Why did no one tell me about the mother side? – Charlotte Quantick
No-one told me the tears I’d cry, without a smudge of mascara.
My make-upless, moneyless, mummy face is ready for the drama.
No-one told me the things that would be collecting dust in my cupboard; dresses and handbags and steleto shoes…no longer do I belong in that world of parties, and copious amounts of booze.
No-one told me about the screaming cries, winding, reflux or colic.
These big yelps from this little body have turned me to an alcoholic.
No-one told me about the sleepless nights and feeling that death himself had entered and stolen my soul.
Brewing coffee all day to keep myself alive from entering a deep, dark hole.
Which hole do you mean? The grave or the grind of heavy post natal depression.
The sickness, the sweating, the panicked anxiety like a drug addict without a session.
No-one told me of group strep b, pneumonia, sepsis and NICU.
No-one knew how scared I was that I nearly was without you!
No-one told me about night terrors or tantrums or scaring the monsters away.
No-one mentioned I would protect you so fiercely each and every day.
No-one told me it wasn’t about me no more it is simply all about you.
My two babies who keep me alive everyday with everything you do.
© Charlotte Quantick
Author bio: I live in Saffron Walden with my partner and two children Quillan who is 3 and Freya who is 11 months and already taking her first steps.
Before I had children I was very career orientated, enjoyed being creative and writing short stories however do not ever find time for myself now until this poetry competition came up and I thought I’d give it a go.
I struggled be coming a mother having suffered with depression before, it opened up a whole new level of loneliness, emotion, pain, hurt and fighting I didn’t realise it would. But I wouldn’t be without my cherubs and love them more everyday.
To vote for Charlotte’s poem to win our poem competition please head over to The Mother Side Facebook Group!