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The Mother Side / Poems  / Numbing

Numbing

‘Mama!’ she cried. Look at this book!
But Mama was not able to look
Her eyes were glazed
As she lay there
Her body in the room
But her mind elsewhere
There but not there
Her eyes open but unseeing
She looked awake but like she was dreaming

‘Mama’ she said ‘Play this game with me’
But Mama could not play the game
She couldn’t engage
She was mentally somewhere far away
An escape
From her life
That she was trying to survive
And she believed this escape was helping her thrive

‘Mama’ she begged. ‘Please notice me’
But Mama just could not see
She was lost in the depths of another reality 
A place where she was numb to stress, worry and pain
Where she could switch off from the chaos in her brain

A reality where she felt in control
As she mentally shifted into another zone
This world took her away from the daily grind
That sometimes she wasn’t sure how to survive
Away from the pressure and the expectations
Away from the judgments that she felt others making
Away from the fear that she was out of her depth
Away from the days that left her bereft
Away from the feeling of not being enough
Away from the challenges that drained her cup
Away from the pain, the sadness, the guilt
The grief, the anger that she didn’t want to feel

She could escape all of this
From the comfort of her home
All she had to do was pick up her phone.

Zoë Tolman ©

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