Motherless Mother’s Day
I lost my beautiful mum when I was just 7 years old, too young to really remember celebrating Mother’s Day and too old to ignore the day completely. There were always the awkward moments at school or brownies when we would make Mother’s Day cards and the teacher would feel like they had made a complete faux pas and begin to over think who I could make mine for. Thankfully I am very close to my Granny so she had an abundance of homemade cards, even at a young age I understood it was it was important to her too as she had lost her daughter and so it was now my turn to celebrate my amazing Granny in my Mum’s place.
As I got older I could never really understand why my friends would not be around at all on Mother’s Day, the WHOLE day, and this confusion went on well into my twenties. Why did they need the whole day? Surely it’s just a day like any other and they see their mum all the time why do they need to be gone all day?!
It was only when I had a long term boyfriend and I was invited over for Mother’s Day lunch that I panicked. I felt pressured into celebrating someone else’s mother when I would rather be remembering mine, so I didn’t go – EVER. It did not go down well! They couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to join them, couldn’t see that I was jealous of how happy they all were and frustrated that they didn’t realise how lucky they are.
I’ve never celebrated Mother’s Day on someone else’s mother’s behalf, I always chose to stay alone and have a day of reflection. Please do not think I was sad or lonely, it was my choice and I enjoyed it, I even had a little ritual where every year I would buy daffodils and use the day to ear mark the start of Spring – my favourite season. My best friend was the first person to truly understand how I was feeling, not because she had lost her mum, but just because she knows me. She even added to my daffodil tradition by taking me for breakfast every year and then off to buy the daffodils after. We’d chat about our mums over a cuppa and some pancakes and, rather than feeling sad, I felt lucky to have not only such an amazing friend but also to have had my Mum for 7 years, many do not even get that much time.
When I met my husband 5 years ago, he completely understood me and never made me feel pressure to spend the day with his mum and family. He was so supportive that he would even buy me a Mother’s Day card from the dogs!
I was 8 months pregnant when I had my first Mother’s Day card ‘from the bump’ which made my heart completely melt, I started to realise that this little baby would want to celebrate me, that it is my turn now.
Last year saw my first Mother’s Day as a mum and it was such a lovely feeling to be with my little family surrounded by toast crumbs in bed and a card on my night stand. It was the first time in 5 years that I had not been on my breakfast date but it didn’t stop me buying my daffodils. This was the start of a new tradition, our family tradition.
As Mother’s Day looms once again, for the first time I am genuinely looking forward to it. We have no plans…that I know of…but I do not want a fuss, I am happy as long as I have my boys around me (dogs included) and the chance to drink a cup of tea whilst it’s still warm … perhaps a piece of toast in bed.
It has been 25 years since we lost my darling mum and in that time not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about her. My perception of Mother’s Day however has changed and, now that I am a mother myself, I can finally understand how important this one special day is. As Mums, we do so much for everyone else – not just our children but our partners, family, friends, pets & work that it is nice to have this one day a year to sit back and be thanked. So let’s all enjoy our day on Sunday, WE DESERVE IT! 🙂