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What do women REALLY WANT for Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day: A big commercial money making machine or an opportunity to prioritise your relationship?

I used to feel a bit bah humbug about Valentine’s Day. I felt that it was important to be going on dates and making an effort in our relationship all year round, not just on one day of the year because we are told to by greeting card companies. I couldn’t bear how commercial it had become. The red hearts and roses start creeping into shops midway through January to start planting those seeds that we ‘should’ buy something for our partner otherwise it means we don’t love them. The rebel in me would get annoyed at the pressure of it all.

But then we had two children and our relationship got put on the back burner somewhat as we tried to work out how to cope with two small people, both demanding things from us all day and all night, with only four arms between us.

We reminisced about the days we used to meet in a bar in London after work for a few ‘cheeky pre-train home drinks’. Now we mostly meet on the landing upstairs – one of us holding a wriggly naked baby covered in sick and the other holding a pooey nappy.

Times have changed!

The time available to put our relationship first has diminished and so now we have to be more organised about when we are going to do this. We go out for dinner once a week (although this week’s date night was gatecrashed by our baby girl, Xanthe, as she would not settle for our babysitter!) but as Valentine’s Day approaches this year I am planning to do something romantic for my hubby – not because I feel I have to or because society says I should, but because I want to!

I want to let him know that I haven’t forgotten about him and that he hasn’t lost me underneath a mountain of nappies and washing!

I want to tell him that…. in amongst the chaos of the musical beds (which is happening most nights at the moment), and in spite of the fact most of our conversations revolve around how tired we are, poo, what we’re having for dinner and how tired we are (oh did I mention tiredness already?)….. I LOVE HIM! I really really love and appreciate him more than ever and I feel so incredibly lucky to have him by my side!

I want to tell him these things that I don’t tell him enough since having children! So instead of seeing Valentine’s Day as this big evil commercial money spinner, this year I am instead grateful for a much-needed reminder to prioritise our relationship!

Soooooo I have been thinking about what sort of present I want to give my hubby. It has also got me thinking about what women really want for Valentine’s Day. Do we want the hearts and roses or do we want something a bit different? Are chocolate and flowers floating our boat these days, or are we more turned on at the thought of a break from day-to-day life and being ‘mum’ – an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and our partners? 

Before Christmas last year, I actually added ‘a hotel room on my own’ ‘a day in the house on my own’ and ‘a spa day’ to my Amazon wish list which was a clear indication that I desperately needed some time and space to myself! A few years ago I would have felt guilty and selfish for wanting to put me first, but now I understand how essential this is. I used to think of spa days as a luxury experience but since becoming a mum I see them as a necessity! Or if not a spa day, just some time out regularly to replenish, recharge and relax! 

Out of interest, I asked the women in The Mother Side group what they would really like their partners to give them for Valentine’s Day and the answers were very revealing! It turns out that I am not alone in wanting some time and space! It was interesting to note how few times flowers and chocolate featured on the list! Instead most of us want a lie in, sleep, a day/night off, a spa day, a massage or just a break! 

So to all husbands and partners who are reading this! If you are wondering the best way to your woman’s heart, check out this list of answers which will hopefully inspire you to send her off for some pampering / a luxurious bubble bath by herself / a spa day etc while you arrange for a babysitter, a deep clean of the house and to cook dinner / to take her out for dinner / a takeaway. Oh and remember to stock up on doughnuts!

You can check out the thread in the group here but I have also collated their answers here for you (with their permission!) for those of you are who not in the group! 

***HUSBANDS & PARTNERS EVERYWHERE TAKE NOTE! This is what Mums really want for Valentine’s Day!***

1. A voucher for a professional massage!! Or reflexology!! Or a costa voucher so you can go ALONE and eat cake and drink hot chocolate whilst reading a magazine….

2. Same answer as what do I want for birthday, Christmas anniversary… any opportunity really, a new bag/purse!

3. Flowers, hand cream, massage voucher, afternoon tea, a break from the kids. Lol.

4. Some quiet time! A day where the weight is taken off a bit – takeaway/ M&S meal deal oh and a rare as unicorns lie in!!

5. Massage or a night/day off! Or a much needed lie in

6. My husband to take the night off work to look after his children so I can go out with friends.

7. Some peace and quiet haha. A bath on my own with no interruptions followed by dinner I haven’t had to cook and a kitchen I do not need to clean up – bliss!

8. Coming home to a clean house with all the ironing done etc. So I can relax in a bath or in front of the tv or with a book without feeling guilty about all the chores I should be doing!!

9. A massage and cuddle dinner being made or taken out to eat. Flowers are always nice.

10. Our bed to ourselves, ever!

11. I get a lie in whilst kids and dad make breakfast! That’s the best bit of my day!!! It would be nice to get romantic with just the husband! But that’s not how the kids see it! Luckily romance isn’t just for 14th feb!!

12. Time alone in my house with no jobs to do!

13. A night in a hotel with wine and food cooked for me – oh and a full night’s sleep and a lie in please! I’d like this room to have a hot tub. (I’d like this room to have a hot tub)

14. A Grey’s Anatomy box set and a bag of doughnuts. Living the dream the day this happens!

15. ME TIME!!!!

16. For my housework to be done, and everywhere to be tidy, and time for me to spend in the bath and also a massage.

17. To be thrown on the bed and the hubby to do all the housework and cook dinner whilst I sleep!

18. A voucher for a massage or facial, a night off to the cinema or my husband to do bedtime for the kids and then a take away and film.

19. Bath in peace. Toilet in peace. Not hearing dinotrux for a day.

20. Luxurious rainbow coloured Bath bombs and a hot bath ALONE!

21. A dark room with a floatation tank.

22. I’m so weird when it comes to Valentines. Normally I crave alone time with my husband as we don’t get it very often. But my daughter loves LOVE day, as she calls it. So I love doing something as a family.

23. My kids will tell u……just a lil peace n quiet!! Lol just a small amount, just enough to recharge the batteries again!

24. Sleep

25. Undisturbed sleep! Lol

26. Actually for me I’d like (and am having) a nice dinner out with my husband so I can be me and not “mum” for a few hours an have some time connecting with him again. It’s hard to take time out together with two kids and while I used to think valentines was a forced night, now it is something that reminds me nights out are actually a thing and makes me plan for it rather than letting the weeks roll by and doing nothing.

27. A half day at a spa with hubby, knowing baby is well looked after by family. One of those places with lots of steam rooms and saunas so we can just relax.

28. A couple of hours just lazily laying in my husband’s arms talking about anything that comes into our heads that’s non work related…. just like we used to when we were first together…. now that would be absolutely everything I’d need

29. I just like having some time off parenting!

30. Uninterrupted sleep!

31. Tom Hardy

32. No laundry. No washing up. No cooking. No football.

33. Time on my own! And a bit of romance – planning a bit of a surprise.

34. An actual break, not just a promise of one!

Is there anything you would add to this list?


***If you would like to join our wonderful community of mums, mums-to-be and pregnancy, birth and parenting specialists you can find us here: www.facebook.com/groups/themotherside***

 

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