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What do my children see when they look at me?

My beautiful baby girls… Always watching me with those big curious eyes… Always observing, always noticing, always learning…

I wonder what you see when you look at me, your Mummy…

Do you see a frantic, stressed Mummy who is rushing around all day looking after everyone and everything else apart from herself?

Or do you see a calm, relaxed Mummy who looks after everyone else, but is also kind to herself and takes time out to nurture and replenish herself?

Do you see a frazzled Mummy who tries to do everything herself, unable to ask for help? Unable to admit she needs some support? Too scared to be vulnerable and feeling isolated as a result?

Or do you see a Mummy who accepts that she is not able to do everything herself and is able to ask for help and, importantly, able to receive it? A Mummy who knows it is ok not to be ok sometimes. Who knows that when she does ask for support she feels stronger as a result?

Do you see a Mummy who hates the sight of herself in the mirror and cries about her body, feeling ashamed of it, comparing herself to others, calling herself names and covering her body with baggy clothes to hide it?

Or do you see a Mummy who loves and cherishes her body and its marks of motherhood and is in awe of how amazing it was at growing and birthing her beautiful children?

Do you see a Mummy who tries to live up to unrealistic internal or external expectations? And as a result feels she is not good enough? A Mummy who feels trapped, tells herself she is a failure, scared to change or follow her dreams in case she doesn’t succeed?

Or do you see a Mummy who accepts and loves her perfectly imperfect self, who knows her own strengths and values herself? A Mummy who completely believes in herself, who feels the fear but does it anyway and follows her dreams.

I wonder what messages you learn every day from watching me? I wonder what I am telling you subconsciously?

Because by the time you have grown up and are stepping out into the world by yourself, I want you to know how important it is to look after yourself, to put your own needs first so that you are in good health physically & emotionally to help others.

I want you to love yourself and your body as it is, and know that you are beautiful inside and out. I want you to know that diversity and individuality is beautiful. I want you to know that the pictures you will see online and in magazines of these girls who all look ‘perfect’ THEY ARE NOT REAL. They are either airbrushed, filtered or they are wearing a ton of make up. Perfection is an illusion and these illusions are used in society to make us feel rubbish about ourselves so we can spend money on products or surgery to make us ‘perfect’. I want you to see through these illusions and love yourself the way you are.

I want you to know that it is ok to ask for help when you need it. You do not have to struggle alone! I want you to know that vulnerability is powerful and enables you to connect with others. People may tell you that to be vulnerable is to be weak but the opposite is true: it takes strength to be vulnerable and it is ok to need support from others – together we are stronger. We are weaker when we struggle alone.

I want you to know it is ok to make mistakes. Mistakes are simply lessons. We are only human and we do what we feel is right with the information we have at the time. We learn through hindsight.

I want you to believe in yourself and know that you have LIMITLESS potential. I want you to know that life is a gift and I want you to make the most of it by always following your dreams and doing what makes you happy.

Above all, I hope that when you look at me you always know you are loved. You are loved so much that my heart bursts every time I look at you. And when I look at you both I see two incredible little girls who are going to grow up to be two incredible women!

And I feel a huge responsibility to give you all of the skills, knowledge and self-belief you need to have the best, most fulfilling and happy life possible.

I know that for you to learn these things from me, I need to be showing you them by living my own life in this way and leading by example.

I am doing my best to do this, but some of these things I am only just learning myself…. so I know that I don’t always get it right…

But I want you to know that it is ok to be a work in progress! It is ok to always be learning and growing. Because this is what motherhood, and in fact life, is all about!

 

***Are you expecting a baby or you a new mum? Did any of this resonate with you? Want to learn more about the subconscious messages that we give to our children? Come and join us on The Mother of all Journeys course where we dig deep into how to become a confident, empowered & happy Mum.

Find out more here: http://themotherside.org/the-mother-of-all-journeys/ ***

2 Comments
  • Jude
    15th October 2017 at 12:23 pm

    Beautiful writing Zoe. I can feel how much your heart bursts with love for your girls from here and booms with enormous desire to help them grow into who they can and want to be. Inspiring post and it’s made me smile a very huge smile but cry at the same time- it’s so TRUE. Maybe in return our children help teach us too about the parts of us that are still as you so rightly put are a ‘work. in progress’ . Thank you for the strength you have shared in this post – it’s totally inspiring

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